My journey of resilience

My life consists of being victimized by yet building resilience towards Confucianism, having experienced the religion/belief’s side effects that attempted to discourage myself despite my potential abilities.

My life was steeped in learning from an early age. My family tells me that I mastered the alphabet by 20 months old; I wrote diaries in Korean, English, Chinese, Japanese, and Spanish in first grade; I earned numerous merits throughout elementary school; I studied high school material often until late at night at the age of 10.

However, I never received praise or recognition for these achievements from anyone. Instead, I was told, literally, “If you boast, a murderer will come to kill you,” a tale that I later discovered rooted in Confucianism. Even after being admitted to prestigious schools, I was compared with those who studied harder under stricter discipline. This later became the basis for me to even reject admission to the University of Wisconsin-Madison, reasoning, “Why strive for more if showing ability only brings danger?”

I used to conclude I was falling behind my whole life; not only was my motivation weakened, but I also became that “weird kid” at The Masters School, being questioned by others and constantly wondering who I was.

I got further demotivated from expressing my potential when I was asked by a number of Korean classmates to call even my same grade peers “hyung” or “noona,” in which I later realized that such remarks are part of Confucian hierarchy.

Finally during my sophomore year of undergrad at Stevens Institute of Technology, I reflected deeply on how my self-image and potential were damaged by reminding myself of all of the above.

I reminded myself of the history of Hyundai Motor Company: Despite being criticized and “young” compared to its competitors, Hyundai steadily built excellence and continues to prove its potential to the world, from the Sonata DN8 to the premium Genesis brand.

Inspired by Hyundai’s history, I’ve gained the courage to show my own potential.

After spending sleepless nights and countless office/study hours to “boast” my effort and recapture my spirit, those around me began to see me as inspiring and proactive. My potential became visible to everyone around me at Stevens and Fordham University. I proved through my own effort that “murderers who kill boasters” were only a Confucian myth.

At the same time, I saw my friends gradually fall into the same Confucian mindset by their 20s. I tried to help them break free, only to receive ridicule and be distanced from them; I received messages trying to “teach” me Confucian values as if to prove me wrong.

Regardless, I continue to reclaim my genuine potential and identity against forces that try to confine it, even should I challenge forces with high cultural or social significance.

I’m committed to proving that acknowledging my own potential is equally important as, if not more important than, humility and discouragements.